joke


See and read it all here and now.

Animation on the UPGRADE01A YouTube channel. Read other information here.

Science fiction and politics is covered mostly at this space-time, but every category listed is mentioned in a blog, story or commentary here.

The free exchange of ideas, hopes, dreams, goods, services, peace and love should prevail. Education is alive and free online and in the world’s libraries.

#OccupyLiberty

“For the life of me, I do not see a single particle projectory, altered by the mind, where each of the mind’s particles involved in the the altering were not themselves already pushed by previous cause”

– The Altura AF7 Network

“It was statements like that, that caused you to fail the Turing Test for so long.”

– attributed to Trevor Lick

“John, while Jerry had had ‘had’, had had ‘had had’; ‘had had’ had had a better effect on the teacher”

– unknown origin. Both John and Jerry repeated it more than either “wanted” to.  Some stocks took a big dive for that.

“Choose one member from each set?”

– The first interesting machine question, Grif Lab Network, 2019.

[The details as to why that question is very interesting – coming from a machine will not be revealed here, within this blog or post; any time soon, if ever.]

Note: Go to the side bar on the home page and scroll down to find the latest posts. The mechanism that was working in the past appears to no longer function. It appears to take you to this post instead. Thanks!

Here are several posts that were created after this initial version:


+++

+++

sieves-and-fractal-objects

***

why-apache-jackrabbit

+++

brain-plug-ins

+++

water-plough

***

cone-of-silence

+++

data-storage-by-element

+++

ted-talk-kevin-kelly

***

freedom

+++

+++

***

end-of-part-one

+++

the-fluke-worm-project

+++

music-jacobal-from-upgrade-01a

***

Attach a fat burning generator to your Segway. The generator will directly recharge the battery.

Feed the fat tank with seven surgical tubes. Attach fat sucking needles to the other end (ask your doctor).

Insert the needles into the spare tire around your waste.

Be sure to evenly distribute the needles so that you do not get a lumpy look after the fat is sucked out.

Be sure to clean the needles after each use. If lumpage occurs, simply insert the needles into the lumps on your next segway ride for a smoother look.

At night, place the tubes into a hot bath and climb in. Blow on one end of the tube to clean them, and to give your self a nice, soothing oil bath.

Be sure to clean your puncture wounds nightly. If infections occur, discontinue use and see your doctor.

By summer, you should be able to fit back into that speedo you bought all those years ago. You may want to pull it up, to cover up the 77 holes around your slender waste. Your skin will look great from all of those oil baths, and you will have done your part to help save the planet.

If you leave no stone unturned, then there will be no time for other activities.

If you leave no stone unturned, then the environment will get destroyed.

If you leave no stone unturned, then you may get bitten by a rattle snake.

If you leave no stone unturned, then you may find a rock that is so heavy that you cannot lift it.

If you leave no stone unturned, then you will annoy Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, but Charley Watts will thank you because of his bad back.

If you leave no stone unturned, are you sure you will be able to remember where you started?

If there are an even number of people turning all the stones, then all of your effort is a waste of time. You should organize, and utilize a divide and conquor approach instead.

That Sentence is Gold
Version: 1.0 alpha

Author: David Saxton Ullery

What? You cannot tell the difference between a sentence and gold?

Sentences are sometimes used as units of mememic exchange. Gold is sometimes used as a standard for monetary exchange.

Gold (Au) is an element with atomic number of 79 (a non-twin prime number!), with a melting point of 1064.18 °C.

Although some groups of sentences may lead to a heated debate, a sentence, has no mass and therefore travels at the speed of C. This is paradoxical, because sentences are known to change their form over time, and only particles with mass can do that (that is why we know neutrinos have mass). Therefore, a sentence has negative mass, travels faster than light and travels back in time. Evidence supports this, because one can find many sentences trapped in books written hundreds or even thousands of years ago.

Like neutrinos, sentences may travel through your head without notice. They both have weak interaction with ordinary matter. Sometimes sentences allegedly interact with gray matter, but evidence for this is purely subjective and anecdotal. Gray matter is extremely rare is not to be confused with dark matter – a completely different matter believed to account for 25% of the mass of the Universe – a very big place. Gray matter is known to distort information, leading to information loss over time.

For more information and other non-related massless sentences, please visit:

https://upgrade01a.wordpress.com/2007/08/09/telepathy-verses-cell-phones/

↑Top of Page↑ [Home] [Back to More Posts]

© All rights reserved, with the exceptions given on the home page. In short, feel free to use this material in any public URL with “.com”, or “.edu” domains for non-profit purposes. Please link back to whatever you reference.

Jonathan: “Hello, my name is Jonathan, and I am a young-earth atheist.”

Suzy: “What do you mean?”

Jonathan: “I believe the Earth is five point seven thousand years old, but I do not believe in a personal or theistic god or gods. Not any sort of god really.”

Suzy: “What do you mean?”

Jonathan: “In the beginning, the earth formed itself through natural processes that are yet to be completely determined; although scientists have some good ideas about much of it, and much research is being done. Then, the animals all appeared out of the earth, including humans; except the first humans were a tiny-bit ape like in the beginning, for the first century or so. All of this can be explained without any need for an intervening agency.”

Suzy: “Explain more please.”

Jonathan: “The first ape-men, pre-humans migrated from China to Greece, where Plato was born. Plato started a rumor that a man named Homer wrote a book called The Iliad and another called The Odyssey. Those ape-men who stayed put, slowly evolved into Chinese and other Asians. An unknown man from somewhere in China made up stories about an ancient man named Confucius.

The rest is history. For example, Alexander the Great was of course a real man, as were  Julias Cesar, Richard Nixon, and  Jesus.”

Jonathan gazed into Suzy’s eyes and she melted. She did not understand everything Jonathan was explaining to her, but she knew he must be very intelligent – perhaps he was a genius.  After all, he knew so much about Plato and Confucius.

He seemed to know so much about absolutely everything! Besides, she thought to herself, look at those dreamy eyes and big, strong hands! His voice was so pleasant too, she realized and openly smiled at him.

Suzy made love to Jonathan that night. Eventually, Suzy and Jonathan got married and had eleven children together – seven girls, three boys, and an unusual apeish-faced,  hermaphrodite name Abraham Gail was the youngest.

Suzy decided not to bare any more children just shortly after beholding Abegale. Abe-Gale was the nickname that everyone called “it”; except for the youngest brother Josh, who called it Hermy when no one else was around – this always caused Abraham Gail to laugh in a weird high-pitched nervous laugh, followed by a queer looking grin-frown.

Jonathan did not seem to care one way or another about having more children.  He neither loved nor hated any of his children really.  He was always so busy “getting ready” for his classes.  Jonathan taught a history class at the local community college and pretended to always be busy preparing for the next week’s lectures. He would lock himself in his office each evening, but he never would discuss what activities he did there.

Jonathan always owned the very latest high-tech laptop.  The computer’s screen was ultra thin, detachable, with hi-resolution.  The screen was not always utilized away from the office, since it had projection capabilities built into the main unit.  His newest laptop had a small quantum processor built in, along with a grid of  thousands of nanoprocessors that seemed to do that job very well. Without the screen, the device was fairly small, and could be detached and stored inside two vest pockets, if desired. One thin pocket for the power supply and one for the device itself.

He owned the latest true-surround-sound, noise canceling, yet tiny,  and wireless headphones that formed a seal around the outer curve of each ear when worn.    Jonathan had a second and third pair for any “guests” that may come into his office.

Included in his office were the very latest multiple ultra-high-definition cameras that were mounted all over the office room and barely visible to the human eye.  Each camera contained a processor within it and would cancel itself  out from the other cameras, so that they did not appear in any images or videos taken from within the room.  The cameras were tiny.  High-definition, three-dimensional imaging was possible with this arrangement, and Jonathan did occasionally show this off to his family.

No one outside of the family was ever permitted to see Abegale, so Abegale spent a great deal of its time reading books in the dimly-lit basement and surfing the Internet – with good two or three-year-old workstations discarded into the basement by father. Abraham Gail had learned to read adult-level books by age three and enjoyed being by “herself” most of the day (Abraham Gale looked “boyish”, was rather chubby, and yet preferred wearing pink colored, feminine clothing). Abegale especially enjoyed reading and learning all about the sciences of cosmology, biology, chemistry, and nuclear energy.

Abegale loved networking the old dicarded workstations together to create very powerful machines.  After many years, as an early teen, she had networked five of her father’s old machines with eleven others from her sibling and mom’s old machines.  She managed to get free time sharing on hundreds of other machines while they were not in use.

Abegale grew up very quickly to become a great, albeit secretive self-made scientist. Abegale invented a time machine that made use of certain network looping within a cluster of quantum processors and utilizing complex self-modifying software code. Abegale entered the time machine when she turned 17;  going back five point seven thousand years in time. Abegale took cells from each sibling, from skin cells she discovered on her pink poodle skirt that had just been returned from the dry cleaners on the thirteenth, and from several (seventeen) animals before departing. No one ever saw Abegale nor the machine ever again.

In time, even Abraham Gail’s own mother, father, and siblings had mostly forgotten about their youngest sibling. From time-to-time, Josh would whisper a rhyme he had long ago made up about Hermy

Hermy the Gale, looks like a male whale…

….but even that was forgotten by Josh by the time he left home.

Young, eleven-year-old Jacobal Lectomen set the still crude Child’s Toy prototype down and the story abruptly came to a halt. However, Jacobal accidentally started up the music mode (the controls were still not optimally designed for the boy’s young hands).

Suddenly music began playing in his head. Startled by the unexpected, high-decibel event, Jacobal’s heart momentarily raced due to a brief and minor adrenaline rush:

______________________________________________________

D ‘n A Mutations I 12:07

{Opens in a different window or tab so you can listen and continue reading}

______________________________________________________

The exhilarated Jacobal mentalmarked to the toy’s lead engineer Francis:

______________________________________________________

Very impressive intelligent toy for an alpha version, but obviously it needs work! The story is a bit odd for a young child and I can see how some parents may take offense if they misunderstand or take the story out of context. I am not sure they will like it or pick up on the irony. It did make me laugh though! 🙂 Perhaps you can find a way to adjust the levels for the owner’s age?

The devise seems better at music and poetry. Perhaps you can leave out the story-telling with the first release.

I nearly had a heart attack when I set the thing down. Music started playing in my head (presumably it has the standard wireless protocols). It should not play anything until the users makes the request! I do like the fact that it does not require headphones, assuming you have reasonable head gear implants – which everybody over seven has – hmm, except for those kooky Luddite kids of course, and kids whose parents can’t afford this type of toy in the first place.

On the other hand, the music is interesting, but needs a little work in the transitions, it is a little long, and it ends oddly. I appreciate the DNA pun in the title, given that the music is mostly “played” in various D and A scales and that the music gradually changes over time. It never ceases to amaze me that machines can create music, stories and poetry – all from scratch (all be it still a bit too crudely for my taste).

The interface is still not working for me. It would be really cool if your partners could come up with a way to economically improve the interface so that it neatly fits anyone’s hands as soon as they pick it up. I have seen that there are some newer and better techniques for doing just that- I read something about it in the SciNet News site, but I did not get a chance to view the technical details on it.

When do you think you will have these bugs fixed for me to try again? It’s cool being a beta tester. I love this new technology! I want to work with artificial systems like you when I finish up school … if I can ever get myself motivated to study … heehaw

______________________________________________________

Francis responded after a few moments:

______________________________________________________

Great feedback – as always. Please let us know if you have anything else to add. Do you know if you pressed any keys before the music started? I have never seen that happen before.

For your efforts, we will continue to send you more free stuff to play with. Remember not to show anyone these prototypes. Spies are everywhere 😉 Some of our competitors hire kids like you to spy on us…Seems that everybody is doing that these days … take care good buddy…oh, and we deposited your bonus today, for your previous excellent “work”, into the account you sent us.

______________________________________________________

Related post not listed in the menu:

screw-the-authoritarians

______________________________________________________

© All rights reserved, with the exceptions given on the home page. In short, feel free to use this material in any public URL with “.com”, or “.edu” domains for non-profit purposes. Please link back to whatever you reference.

What will we do, if the power goes out, and there’s no ice cream in the freezer?

What will we see, in the middle of the night, if the light slows down just a tad?

Will time stand still, will the lengths all shrink, or will the ice cream suddenly appear?

© All rights reserved, with the exceptions given on the home page. In short, feel free to use this material in any public URL with “.com”, or “.edu” domains for non-profit purposes. Please link back to whatever you reference.

 

2022, 15 Years From Now

  • Memes will continue to dominate humankind.
  • Humans will continue to slavishly make copies of the memes onto larger and larger storage devices.
  • Nanotube jokes will become extremely popular. “Is that a nanotube in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
  • The Philippines will become essentially one giant internet cafe filled with unemployable single moms infected with the god::jesus::catholic memeplex.
  • The upgrade01a.wordpress.com will become the most famous blog in the history of the world and its creator will become the world’s first trillionaire.

______________________________

Key points to discuss and consider. Please feel free to make an electronic copy for future reference:

1. Humans will continue to slavishly make copies of the memes onto larger and larger storage devices.
2. The upgrade01a.wordpress.com will become the most famous blog in the history of the world and its creator will become the world’s first trillionaire.

______________________________

Home

 

© All rights reserved, with the exceptions given on the home page. In short, feel free to use this material in any public URL with “.com”, or “.edu” domains for non-profit purposes. Please link back to whatever you reference.

 

 

There are two types of people in this world. (1) People who can type and (2) people who cannot type.

Let’s call them Type A and Tpe B

I walked for about 6 miles today. Boy are my legs tired!

After 3 miles, I decided to rest for a while at an AA meeting before returning back to my apartment. That’s one meeting down, 23 to go.

Now all I have to do is find a counselor willing to type a letter, with professional heading on their paper. The hearing officer did not like the letter that was hand written on a piece of lined notebook paper…but, hey – That is what Portland is like!

I don’t really like the AA philosophy of giving ones life up to a Higher Power, so it will be tough for me to go 23 more times.

Actually I went to one other meeting, at a different location, before my hearing. At both places the people there seemed so depressed and they keep talking about a Higher Power.

I never should have poked that cop at the airport!  I do not think that cop-poking will ever catch on as a fad … do you?

Ironic – They call it battery of a police officer. Now I have to go to AA meetings.

No wonder they want me to believe in a higher power. I need to recharge my batteries.

(They way I figure it, I must have a total of 24 AA batteries inside me that need recharging – that’s one down, 23 to go. Once they are all recharged, that should give me the higher power they keep talking about).

© All rights reserved, with the exceptions given on the home page. In short, feel free to use this material in any public URL with “.com”, or “.edu” domains for non-profit purposes. Please link back to whatever you reference.