Attach a fat burning generator to your Segway. The generator will directly recharge the battery.

Feed the fat tank with seven surgical tubes. Attach fat sucking needles to the other end (ask your doctor).

Insert the needles into the spare tire around your waste.

Be sure to evenly distribute the needles so that you do not get a lumpy look after the fat is sucked out.

Be sure to clean the needles after each use. If lumpage occurs, simply insert the needles into the lumps on your next segway ride for a smoother look.

At night, place the tubes into a hot bath and climb in. Blow on one end of the tube to clean them, and to give your self a nice, soothing oil bath.

Be sure to clean your puncture wounds nightly. If infections occur, discontinue use and see your doctor.

By summer, you should be able to fit back into that speedo you bought all those years ago. You may want to pull it up, to cover up the 77 holes around your slender waste. Your skin will look great from all of those oil baths, and you will have done your part to help save the planet.

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That Sentence is Gold
Version: 1.0 alpha

Author: David Saxton Ullery

What? You cannot tell the difference between a sentence and gold?

Sentences are sometimes used as units of mememic exchange. Gold is sometimes used as a standard for monetary exchange.

Gold (Au) is an element with atomic number of 79 (a non-twin prime number!), with a melting point of 1064.18 °C.

Although some groups of sentences may lead to a heated debate, a sentence, has no mass and therefore travels at the speed of C. This is paradoxical, because sentences are known to change their form over time, and only particles with mass can do that (that is why we know neutrinos have mass). Therefore, a sentence has negative mass, travels faster than light and travels back in time. Evidence supports this, because one can find many sentences trapped in books written hundreds or even thousands of years ago.

Like neutrinos, sentences may travel through your head without notice. They both have weak interaction with ordinary matter. Sometimes sentences allegedly interact with gray matter, but evidence for this is purely subjective and anecdotal. Gray matter is extremely rare is not to be confused with dark matter – a completely different matter believed to account for 25% of the mass of the Universe – a very big place. Gray matter is known to distort information, leading to information loss over time.

For more information and other non-related massless sentences, please visit:

https://upgrade01a.wordpress.com/2007/08/09/telepathy-verses-cell-phones/

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