Attach a fat burning generator to your Segway. The generator will directly recharge the battery.

Feed the fat tank with seven surgical tubes. Attach fat sucking needles to the other end (ask your doctor).

Insert the needles into the spare tire around your waste.

Be sure to evenly distribute the needles so that you do not get a lumpy look after the fat is sucked out.

Be sure to clean the needles after each use. If lumpage occurs, simply insert the needles into the lumps on your next segway ride for a smoother look.

At night, place the tubes into a hot bath and climb in. Blow on one end of the tube to clean them, and to give your self a nice, soothing oil bath.

Be sure to clean your puncture wounds nightly. If infections occur, discontinue use and see your doctor.

By summer, you should be able to fit back into that speedo you bought all those years ago. You may want to pull it up, to cover up the 77 holes around your slender waste. Your skin will look great from all of those oil baths, and you will have done your part to help save the planet.

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